8 Simple Rules For Reading X-Men Comics

I’ve been jonesing for comics lately. It’s been a long time but back in the day I was an avid fan, especially of the X-titles. And there’s this dangerous thing called an “iPad” created by an evil genius named Steve Jobs, upon which one may purchase comics without removing carcass from comfy chair.

Uh-oh.

So I start browsing Marvel’s online catalog. There’s some New Mutants. Any good these days?

WARLOCK IS BACK! Everyone’s favorite alien is back on Earth, but why? Plus, witness the vicious battle between Cannonball and Dani Moonstar!

Okay, you had me at “Warlock”. And it’s only two bucks. What could it hurt?

Fifty comics later I am refreshed on current events and reminded why I like X-Men so much. As I tweeted at the time: “I will nevereverever get tired of X-Men. I’ve been gone for 15 years and everything is exactly the same.”

Now, before you lambast me for buying my comics digitally instead of going to my local comics shop… the digital comics actually inspired me to go to my local comics shop for the first time and buy a bunch there too, and I’ll definitely be going back for new issues. So support your local comics shop, they’re good people.

Are you behind on the X-times? Here are my eight simple rules for returning to the X-Men comics:

  • People who were alive are now spectacularly dead. People who are dead are now spectacularly alive.
  • Don’t ask Cyclops about his love life.
  • Don’t ask Wolverine about his past. Or his present.
  • If the Professor is walking around on two good legs, don’t ask about the wheelchair.
  • If Illyana Rasputin appears out of nowhere, the only correct response is: “I’ll get Colossus.”
  • Your choice of Fearless Leader depending on death, draining of powers and/or angst: Professor X, Cyclops, Storm, Wolverine, Magneto, Emma Frost. If it’s not one of those it’ll be someone you never expected like Leech or the Power Pack.
  • Friends showing up with glowing eyes is usually not good. Unless their eyes are supposed to glow, in which case if they aren’t glowing it’s not good.
  • You’ll get by better with Patented Shi’ar Technology(tm)!

Do you have any X-suggestions to add? Share in the comments!

(Adorable tokidoki X-Men sweatshirt from ThinkGeek. I have one and I love it.)
(Warlock image from the cover of New Mutants #5.)

 

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